At Home, once again unemployed.

So as the title says I am now home awaiting my next placement with the agency. I would of Loved to of remained in Execaire but the work was over. I worked there since September and made some good friends. It was a completely different work environment that I had been used to but I have to say I loved it and the people within it had made it so.

We Christians talk about God supplying our need. We also talk about how God knows all. Two weeks ago he already supplied my need to get through this time of no work by having a couple(dearly loved) give me a very generous gift. I deposited the money at the time so I could wisely spend it. Well it not only will get me through this time but it also serves to demonstrate to me and (hopefully) others that God knew, he cares and he provides.

Found at Walmart - a testimony

"This is a wonderful testimony from someone who belongs to one of the yahoo groups I belong to. " read on and be encouraged.


When my oldest son Bret was ten years old, he came down with a horrible case of mono. He was very sick for six weeks. I spent many nights awake just to make sure he was still breathing. Between the stress and the worry, I was mentally and physically drained. My husband, who was also keeping this vigil with me, saw that I was in need of a break and sent me off to WalMart with $20 dollars and specific instructions to enjoy a mini shopping spree. I spent about 30 minutes walking aimlessly around the store. And even though I LOVE to shop, I just felt like I was asleep on my feet and as lost as I could possibly be. About ready to give up and get back to my son, I stopped in the record department (technically CD Department, but I still refer to them as records!) and just happened to pick up a CD by a group called Point of Grace. I had never heard of them before, I hadn’t realized I was in the “Christian Music” section and I’m not even sure why I chose it, but I did. I put the music on in my minivan for the ride home and began to listen. By the second song, You Will Never Walk Alone, I was in tears. I realized at that moment that there was something huge missing in my life and I wanted to find it.

I spent the next few years haphazardly attending church (Episcopal at the time, although I was brought up Catholic), buying lots more CDs by Christian artists and spending tons of money on books on religion. I was searching and searching for God, but wasn’t feeling like I was finding Him. I knew I should be attending church, but every Sunday I would find another reason to stay home. My husband and children didn’t want to go with me and so I used that excuse to justify my not going either. I was enjoying the books I was reading, but started to feel guilty about the amount of money I was spending in the Christian book store. I was singing along with spiritual music, but as good as that made me feel, it still wasn’t the whole picture.

One summer morning, as I was driving into work I was scanning the radio for something to sing along to (I am a big fan of Car-eoke). I heard a few lines from a song I knew and zoned in on that station and started to sing along, “Let all God’s children sing out Glory Glory, Halleluiah, He reigns! He reigns! …” I don’t know when it hit me that this was Christian music, on my car radio – WOW! I soon found out that a brand new Christian radio station had joined the FM dial and was located in my own home town of Charlton! Well I quickly set the preset button on my radio and 90.1 WYCM became the soundtrack to all my car trips.

I became a fan of the morning show and would call in and request favorite songs. I got to know the station manager, Stephen Binley and eventually asked to volunteer at the station. I didn’t really have spare time to volunteer, but something drew me to the station. I would go and download songs into the computer (I confess that this may have been God’s way of using my Napster skills for a higher purpose). Stephen explained to me what it meant to accept the free gift of salvation through Jesus Christ! Oh, it sounded wonderful, it sounded amazing, it sounded SCARY! I had all kinds of excuses why I couldn’t, wouldn’t, shouldn’t accept this amazing gift. I remember he described it as if I had just been given a beautifully gift wrapped present, but was afraid to rip the paper off! One thing that held me back, was the fear that my husband may think I had become a religious fanatic if I became a born again Christian. Every fear, excuse, or challenge I tossed at Stephen, he was able to answer with truth by opening his Bible. All at once it occurred to me that I’d spent a small fortune at the Christian book store when every thing I was truly searching for came in one neat and tidy package – The Bible (which, by the way I purchased for twenty-five cents at the Charlton Library!)

So now I was ready to accept the Lord! I was eager to invite the Holy Spirit into my heart to guide me. But I wasn’t sure I held faith that it was as simple as saying a tiny prayer. Remember, I was brought up in the Catholic faith. I needed a ceremony or at the very least a new outfit! But I realized that the Lord was asking me to come to Him EXACTLY as I was … and so I did.

I prayed the following, “Lord, I come to You knowing that I have sinned against You. Jesus, in Your Word you have taught me that You died in place of me as payment for my sins. I accept this perfect gift from You. I invite Your Holy Spirit to live in me, to guide me each and every day so that I can live my life for You and shine Your light to all the people in my life.”

… and that is how Jesus found me in WalMart.

Women, Hazardous material

I just couldn't help but post this as it is pretty funny. May I remind you though that I am above all women so I don't count myself in this placard. Yah, sure! Click on the picture for a bigger image.

Dreading the 14th.

So what gives with me? Bill and I never really celebrated Valentines day so why am I dreading this one? I guess everything in the first year is "HARD" but I guess I just expect it to be different with me, how naive is that! So yes please say a prayer for me, specially on Valentines day! I must remember all I have to be thankful for rather than the fact that I am single. Wow, the rollercoaster of separation/divorce never really stops. For those of you who are married or in a relationship, enjoy each other and treasure one another for nothing will make me happier and that is the truth.

Imagine this scene, many action scenes are seen as music plays and then that scratching record sound and all stops. Well life is like that sometimes, don't you agree? No nothing bad is happening in my life(and I am very thankful for that) but life doesn't always moove along at the pace or timing I would like it to.

Today I once more heard the retelling of the story of ABraham and Sarah(in the bible). Abraham was promised by God that he would give him an heir and make his seed into a great nation too numerous to count. Well 10 years go by and no heir so Sarah takes matters into her own hand, after all God helps those who help themselves, right? WRONG! Sarah has Abram sleep with her maid and Ishmael is born(who is not Gods provision or promise) and off course it all goes sour. So eventually Sarah does bear the promise "Isaac" in a very ripe age of about 100 years.

So God promises and then makes them wait over 10 years! Talk about expecting patience. Why did God wait so long?... I found out why today, want to hear why?..... Well no doubt there were character issues that God was working on with both Abraham and Sarah but the fact that they had a child at such and old age was a sign to the heathen society that their "god of time" was no god at all and that Abrahams God was "THE GOD"

I got it, the message meant for me is "wait patiently, I am trustworthy and wise. I will fulfill my promises, but in my own perfect timing and in my perfect way. Don't take matters into your own hand as you are not able to see all and understand all and thereby cause more heartache than good."

OK Lord I get it, I wait........................

Lessons learned

As I look back at the previous year one may think I would count it as my worst with my husband leaving and all but in reality it has been an upswing from the last 5 years, pretty sad eh! What I did learn in 2006 was to finally be able to say "thank you Lord for the crap" pardon my expression but I believe in honesty.

As I think back to 6 years ago before all the major tramautic events happened in my life, I can recount one thing and that was my deep desire for God to change my heart as I learned who he really was. Not the God I necessarily grew up with in a legalistic cultural way and not the God so widely preached today through prosperity gospel preachers, but the real God! The Sovereign one.

-The God who allowed cancer to grow in my body so I can finally understand that when death knocks on my door I will answer it knowing the future will be brighter than anything I can experience here on earth. Knowing full well that what awaits me on the other side is the phrase by my maker "Well done though good and faithful servant, enter into my joy today"

-The God who heard my cry to be stripped of pride and judgemental ways, and having the wisdom to know that I unfortunatly learn best through loosing it all.

-The God who heard my question as to why people really love the Word(bible). Well when you are stripped of all you go to the love letter that God has left us. The Bible is now something I relish and long for, it truly is life giving power to sustain you, raise you up and let us not forget to humble you. As for God, his way is perfect;the word of the LORD is flawless. He is a shield for all who take refuge in him. 2 Samuel 22:31

-The God who helped me understand what "Job" in the bible went through as a Sovereign God let Satan have his way. I learned that even though we mean well, that I do not want to be "the friends of Job" to others and in "my wisdom" answer and act.

-The God who taught me that forgiving is not necessarily forgeting but that without forgiving I will become that which I detest so much.

-The God of Grace. It is only by his Grace that enables us to live this life and make mistakes. He gives wisdom to those who ask so that one can learn from those mistakes freely without condemnation.

I am not the same woman I was 5 years ago but I am a kinder and gentler person. I could go on as to many other lessons learned but you don't have all day to read this. All in all everyday may bring new challenges and believe me! mine are still coming but the more I learn about My God the more I find the strength and wisdom to live this life daily.

Again, thank you Lord for the crap! only YOU can turn the most vile and hidious things into a work of art.

What I really believe

It is so hard to share with others what I mean when I say "I am not religious but I have a relationship with God" I want so much for those who don't know the creator to fully experience Him for themselves. This poem is such a beautiful picture of what that relationship is thought to be and what God really longs for.

Return to rest

(copied from http://theonething.blogspot.com/)

I opted to be a servant.

Oh how I wanted to serve you.

I wanted to do it all.

To do it well.

I wanted to please you.

Faithfully.... not perfectly, I did. I tried.

I failed. I tried again. And again.

But you wanted a lover.

You want a lover.